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so... this weekend has been rather tubulant (sp)

i've decided to end my pursuit (sp) of someone :(  obssesing over someone you dont even know if they even realise your alive is making me feel so unbelivably shit and pathetic.

i got my cheek pierced by lisa they looked awsome  but i had to take them out cos i was so swollen and they where puss filled JOY! so BOOO!

a guy commited suicide off westfield (our local shopping center) we saw him moments before he jumped and i heard him hit the floor, it was pretty horrific, people where taking pictures of him on the roof then getting out of their cars to have a good look at him once he had died, people make me sick. I feel i should have done something :/

the rumour is he was only 15...

he's the 2nd one in 2 weeks, off that building alone, seems to be a big thing of suicide in derby atm.

cant look at the place he jumped makes me feel such dispair, it will stay with me forever.
im procrastinating (i dunno if i can spell it but im doing it none the less) i should ring the uni but im SCARED!!!!!!!


i did it and it's all cool, jonh angus my tutor was really nice about it HURAY!

hmm maybe i should update a little about well everything...?

erm im single after 5yrs seen a couple of guys since but nothing special... any offers lol?

I've got flu :(

im off to uni to study textiles in 4 days OMFG i am crapping myself (also they set us a project to do before we started but never actualy told me only found it when looing for my room number THANKS, so ive got to ring up about that YAY!), atleast jo is starting with me so we can catch the bus together and be scared together!

I'm living back at my mums and its NOT BAD :O , i didnt know how it'd be obviously having been moved away for such a long time, its taken a bit to adjust for all of us, mum at 1st wanted to know where i was going to be AT ALL TIMES now she's realised that im going to be somewhere else most of the time lol.

I've started painting alot, so i have a room full of my own paintings :/ not cool! but when ever i get asked for one or a give one away noone actualy hangs it up or anything, so fuck them i'll keep them all atleast i like them!

OH yeah we have a mouse family living in our house! not in an infested way, one of the cats caught a mouse (they do it practicaly everyday) we took it off them, put it in a box to calm down went back to the box HEY PRESTO she'd had babies, 3 little pink blobbs that squeek alot, one died though :(, i will try and get pictures, shouldnt be to hard as they're living in an old fish tank atm!

cant think of anything else...?

well once again i cant sleep, but only this time im poorly aswel :( boo to flu

anyway it was ians birthday weekend and we all dressed up like a 80's mair metal band was fun! thanks to myko for some 80's metal tunes!

i hate not sleeping it makes you paranoid >< and be crazy!

atleast in im bed though.
am i 50% of what i want too be and 50% of whati think other people want me to be?

i am foolish

but in the words of tori 'maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen?'

It's stupid o clock i've narely slept in days and i cant sleep cos i think everyone hates me and thinks im stupid, and that i am so ugly that people are sick in to their mouths soon as look at me..  I AM A TWAT!
i think i am actualy a head case lol

well its been forever since i updated this...  dout anyone will actualy check it out lol ^_______________^

anyway im ok its ians 23rd this friday he's doing a 80's hair metal theme fancy dress thing! watch out for back combed hair and leggins and rock the shit!

rock out with ya cock out


sorry to EVERYONE ever!

work has taken over my life! i have ruffly one weekend off a month so i never see anyone not even the people who actualy live near me!

i have maybe been considering changing jobs just for my lifes sake 9-5ness weekends off woo!

but i do love my job :/ i mean today we took two ressidents to the park cos it was sunny and we took them to ikea a week ago! and they went to the fair yesterday! i mean funno!!!!!!!!

so even more sorryness to the people who live far away" ie leic CReW and Lisa!

anyway love to you all xx


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WOO me and ian are Engaged!!!!

its offical a white gold ring with a round diamond!!